“I knew what he was going to say the moment he walked into my office,” Joe told me.

He was reeling from the resignation of Alex, his top performer, who a competitor recruited to a VP job with a seat in the C-suite. Joe desperately needed to vent, and as luck would have it, we were scheduled for our weekly coaching discussion the same day he received the news. 

“I’ve been dreading this moment since the day I hired Alex,” Joe admitted. “He’s incredibly capable, but in the early years of working for us didn’t recognize his own abilities. In fairness to Alex, I took advantage of that and gave him more and more responsibility but didn’t acknowledge it with a promotion. I guess I used the excuse that we’re a small company and trying to stay lean. As I reflect, that was a massive error on my part.”

Joe made a mistake that I’ve seen far too often: hiring a high performer that you fail to develop and reward. So, we talked about an appropriate course of action going forward and what needed to change in how he managed people. Joe knew that this resignation would shock other team members and was afraid of losing more people. At the same time, it became clear that he needed to handle the last days of Alex’s tenure better than he had so far. As we discussed his initial response to the news, Joe revealed that he’d reacted poorly. First, he suggested to Alex that he might not be ready for the new position, playing on his early self-doubt and insecurities. Eventually, Joe used guilt to try to bait Alex into staying until Joe could find a replacement, but none of these approaches were effective. 

Here’s what Joe needed to do instead:

Lead with grace: If you’ve got a superstar on your team, remember that you’re not the only one who recognizes their greatness, so there’s always the risk that you’ll lose talented people to other opportunities. Face this leadership fact of life with grace. Unlike Joe, respond to a loyal employee’s news of departure with kindness, encouragement and acknowledgment of their contributions and accomplishments. Honest appreciation of your superstar positions you in a far more favorable light than guilt trip tactics. This is especially important if you’re considering making a counteroffer. 

Don’t rationalize: More than once I’ve seen leaders deny the cultural issues leading to a prized employee’s resignation, even in the face of evidence to the contrary. Instead, they rationalized the facts of the departure until they decided the employee was at fault for leaving. If your top performer is resigning, take time to understand the underlying reasons for their decision. Rarely is their choice based solely on job title or pay. Seek honest input from them and own it so you minimize the likelihood of losing others. Be sure to ask: What could we have done differently to keep you? Is there anyone else on your team that we’re at risk of losing?

Seek input: Talent knows talent, so ask your superstar to identify others who were significant contributors to their success. You might ask: Whom did you find it easy to work with? Who else should we be considering for upward mobility? Is there someone on the team that you would hire as your replacement, and why? Who brings a future-focused lens to our business, and are we using their talents in the right way? 

Mine for knowledge gaps: Every high-performing employee operates in a state of perpetual growth and learning, whether you’ve invested in developing them or they’ve taken on that challenge personally. As such, the skills they’ve honed and the experiences they’ve had imbue them with capabilities that far exceed what they had when first joining the organization. When they resign those capabilities go with them, so it’s important to create a plan for closing the knowledge gap their departure will create. Begin by asking them: What have you learned or become best at doing since joining us that we need to find a way to replicate? 

Create a future relationship: Your departing high performer’s capabilities, network and knowledge will continue to grow. Treat them as someone you’d want a future relationship with and may conceivably hire or work with again. Make and keep plans to meet for lunch, speak regularly or connect at industry events. Don’t let their departure demarcate the end of a relationship you both invested in building. 

While the goal is to create a culture that makes it easy to retain top performers, what you say and do when an employee resigns speaks volumes about the organization and your leadership. You get to define what you want that message to be.

This article originally appeared on SmartBrief.